I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
