Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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