Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
