I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
