My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
