Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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