Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
