May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize