Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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