it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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