listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
