I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
