sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
not ubering you a puppy
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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