Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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