maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
