we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
