This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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