shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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