tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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