I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
