Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
