i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
