I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
