We're facebook friends in real life
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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