I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
