The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
