i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
