a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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