Duck Duck Cougar?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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