That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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