Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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