just tell him i said nine months
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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