good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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