My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize