the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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