Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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