First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
