new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
you inspire me to be a worse person
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
