He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Your shirt... Was in my pants
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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