I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
