Someone shit on the floor
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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