Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
The air taste purple.
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