Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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