I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
