If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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