you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
