I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
