My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
