I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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