the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Randomize
