I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize