Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
