Betty ford says i'm here all night
I puked a lego.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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