I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
