so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
