Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
