I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
