and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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