Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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