How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
