Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
they're like a gay fantastic four
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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