there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Dicks are not precious.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
