If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Everyone says I win the strip club
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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