Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
