Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
