I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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