somebody snuck up and got me drunk
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
