I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
So apparently I’m into choking now
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize