: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
