I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
