And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
