i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
