i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
