STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
