I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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