he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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