we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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