I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
apparently the secret to your success is patron
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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