how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
