Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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