I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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