Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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