I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
All I want is dick and wine.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
