pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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