take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
