He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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