Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
