So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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