They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
