We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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