You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
