I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
