what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
